Kidney Omelette with Sweet Potato and Broccoli

I haven't updated this thing in two months. Honestly, it feels much longer. I feel like I've done a lot of paleo foodie stuff to say, but I probably won't even remember a quarter of it. Let's see... I've pissed myself off for not going to the raw milk farm when we went to New Zealand, one of the main reasons I went, I've done heaps more research about why we shouldn't diet (read: MATT STONE ROCKS MY SOCKS), I've bought two of the latest health bundles, I've given up listening to every.single.annoying. webcast webinnaire videos where people talk really slowly because it clogs my inbox, and I'm down to one drawer of bananas left in the freezer. Unfortunately, it's still pretty full, so I'm wishing for a cow for Christmas.

Some more, actually somewhat exciting things that have happened:

- My birthday! I woke up to the best birthday present - my first acknowledgement of a somewhat ok metabolism:

I also made a coconut oil pie and a watermelon cake to celebrate (oh, and an organic roast chicken) and I'll post a recipe for that later. Some day. One day.

- I bought my first pair of lululemon yoga pants. I feel like my life is complete. I never had a pair of proper yoga pants for the whole year or so that I actually trekked it out to the yoga place to die for an hour on Saturdays.

- I've fully cooked sweet potato vermicelli, and it's alright. It's just like thick rice vermicelli. Awesome.

- My ferments have actually worked! I lost hope in my many, many strawberry kvasses so I gave up, read about fermenting for a bit, and then stuck some cabbage and a cucumber or two in jars. And a bunch of asparagus in the St Dalfour's jam jars I've been wanting to ferment asparagus in ever since I saw them. And guess what?

THEY WORKED!! :D DELICIOUS BACTERIA FOR EVERYONE!!

Ahem. Moving on.

- I'm doing the HSC. So, in layman's terms, I have the right to stress every second of the day for the next 365 days, as of about last week (the end of the exams). And thus, I have woken at 4am the past few mornings, despite my copious banana eating. Humph.

- I had proper 'junk' food yesterday. I went to my friend's party (just a few movies with just a few friends) and they ordered pizza for dinner and honestly, it looked gross anyway so I looked like an anorexic while I said that I'd had dinner before I came (true story though). But the birthday cake came out and it was a passionfruit cheesecake and I was like 'you know what? I've already had butter twice today and I don't want to look like a restrictive twat who refused to eat normal food and Matt Stone says that junk food is good for you so...' And I grabbed the cheesecake slice that had been one of the first ones cut (my friend was starting to get them all messy). And so I took my cute little forkie and dug into the sweet cream cheese. And boy did it taste sweet. Other people said it was remarkably sweet as well, so it wasn't just me. And I started to realise what 'full' meant. It opened my eyes to feeling my stomach instead of feeling how much is left on the plate. And so I didn't want to finish the cheesy bit; I didn't want any more. And so my friend who eats everything, ate the rest :)

- I've fallen in love with awful offal. I hazarded taking the kidneys out of the freezer, and I soaked them for 24 hours before frying the teeny chopped pieces in a large amount of butter. Delish!

Which brought me the inspiration for this recipe :)

Kidney Omelette with Sweet Potato and Broccoli

2 lamb's kidneys, preferably from lambs who had previously frolicked in meadows

2 eggs, preferably from chickens who had dug up their own wormies for tea

about ten of those smaller florettes of broccoli that are at the top of the head of broccoli

a tennis ball size chunk of sweet potato (I never know how much sweet potato to eat)

as much butter as your inner dairy gods will accept as sacrifice

Half a grove of olive oil, to serve (or just a drizzle, to taste)

Freeze the kidneys, then take them out of the freezer for half an hour, slice lengthways, cut out the white bits and chop up the meaty bits into teeny chunks. Pop into a mug with water and a splash of apple cider vinegar or other vinegar, cover with cling wrap, and put it in the fridge overnight. Strain, then soak in plain water for another 4-6 hours (or until dinner time, if that's when you're having them). Strain and put them in paper towel to dry.

Bring a pot of water to a boil, chop up the veggies quite small, and add them to the pot. Cook them up until al dente/not overcooked.

Put half of your butter/fat in a fry pan, cook on medium so the fat sizzles and once the milk solids stop bubbling so much, add the kidneys, don't touch then for thirty seconds, then do the really cool chef flick-of-the-wrist move to toss the kidneys, leave them for ten seconds, repeat another two or three times, and then take them out of the pan quick smart.

Beat the eggs in a small bowl. Add them to the fry pan that was just cooking kidneys, in the rest of the butter if needed. Cook it low and slow - if it's quite thick, your pan is too small. It needs to be quite thin. Keep it frying on low until all the egg is cooked.

Strain the veggies and dry them. Mix the kidneys in with them, and pour the mixture onto one side of the omelette. Fold the rest of the omelette on top like a blanket.

Somehow transfer the omelette to a plate and drown in olive oil (or drizzle, or neither if olives aren't your thing).

Easy Poached Eggs

After five days of charred, (natural) barbecued food, I wanted gently cooked eggs for breakfast. But boiled eggs just weren't working for me. So I poached eggs it was. On a weekday morning.

I can't say I cannot poach, because I've only really tried it once or twice. And it didn't work, so I've given up prospecting on that. Hoping for the albumen to remain in a singular state doesn't mean it will.

So I tried something new out. Using a larger surface area in water, not as much water, tension and area taken up by neighbouring eggs, and the idea of frying, I came up with this.

How to Poach Eggs when you have the Cooking Skills of an Amoeba

1. Fill a high-lipped saucepan with water a third of the way up. Bring the water to a ferocious simmer (mine didn't want to boil).
2. Crack an egg, and very slowly and carefully slide the egg into the water. You can do this by either opening the egg so that the shell is so close to the water that it might be wet, or crack the egg into a small cup and slide it in that way. Whatever you do, keep it close to the water and don't move it around once it's in there.
3. Once the first egg is in, fill the saucepan with enough eggs to cover the surface area of the top of the pan, by following the method in step 2. This will keep all the eggs together.
4. Cook on the same temperature you had it on before until the whites are cooked. I did mine too long, so my yolks were cooked too.
5. Use a flat-headed strainer-on-a-stick to pull out the eggs, and place on paper towel to drain. It would be better to do each individual egg for this, but they may have stuck together, making this an extremely difficult task to keep the yolks in tact.

This may be an easier way to poach eggs, but if you like your yolks runny and in one piece, all I have to say is: good luck!

The Better Frypan

If only I had a cast iron skillet.

Then this would look more spectacular.

Eggs Again

After four weeks of going egg-free, it is safe to say that not eating them didn't reduce my eczema. That can only mean one more thing... MORE EGGS FOR JORDIE! I should probably eat three eggs for brekkie every morning anyway, but now it's gonna be official. And breakfast is going to be a lot more diverse too. I won't be as weirded out by having leftovers or steak or a whopping heap of bacon for breakfast. Oh, and sardines, look out!

Mistakes I've Made - Baked Eggs

This morning I had a bit of time so I decided to make myself baked eggs for breakfast. Bad idea. Well, not really. I definitely learnt from it. It was kinda funny how I stuffed up because, in a way, I planned for it to happen this way.

My baked eggs went as followed:

I fried up my sliced mushrooms and greens (some grown up bok choi and a bit of spinach) the night before...

but I only half cooked the greens because I knew that they would get even more cooked in the oven in the morning, so the white bits of the bok choi was still quite crunchy. And I popped it all into a medium sized ramekin.