Excitement

So I tried to make mayonnaise and for the third time it failed me.

NEVER TELL ME I HAVE MIXED FIVE EGG YOLKS INTO OIL ONLY TO MAKE IT DISGUSTING AND OIL-SOUPY.

So I left it and came back to it after dinner. I tried it with another yolk but you're meant to add the oil to the yolk not the yolk to the oil. HALF A DOZEN EGGS GONE. 

There goes breakfast.

But I didn't want to waste my emulsion that was failing to thrive. So I gave him one last shot at becoming a well made, respectable member of our household.

This time I added the oil to the yolk like I was meant to, and prayed to the food gods that my baby would come to life. And he worked! However, just to keep him on the safe side, I kept him little. So I only ended up making half a little jar of concentrated fat. Yum yum :)

However, in the midst of all that initial tantruming, I made dinner (hence I tried it again after I ate). And what was for dinner?

Yams. Oh sweet yams, I would say that I love you more than sweet potatoes but most people don't understand you and thus I must categorise you two together into one amazing unit.

But I have not explored my yams enough to have found this before, and was I excited.

I partied around the room and yelled at my unenthusiastic brother to LOOK at my awesome psychedic yam.

Like, just look at it!

And so I roasted it with some little bity zucchinis and made some yummy chippies for dinner.

On a completely different note, this morning the Fairies that Cater for Women, Monthly (who have generally been very lazy when it comes to me) visited, and I won't go into detail, but I was ultra excited to use this pure piece of silicon.

However, it may have been the excitement that had gotten a hold of me. I'll try again tomorrow, after I work out how to get... a bandaid...

Kidney Omelette with Sweet Potato and Broccoli

I haven't updated this thing in two months. Honestly, it feels much longer. I feel like I've done a lot of paleo foodie stuff to say, but I probably won't even remember a quarter of it. Let's see... I've pissed myself off for not going to the raw milk farm when we went to New Zealand, one of the main reasons I went, I've done heaps more research about why we shouldn't diet (read: MATT STONE ROCKS MY SOCKS), I've bought two of the latest health bundles, I've given up listening to every.single.annoying. webcast webinnaire videos where people talk really slowly because it clogs my inbox, and I'm down to one drawer of bananas left in the freezer. Unfortunately, it's still pretty full, so I'm wishing for a cow for Christmas.

Some more, actually somewhat exciting things that have happened:

- My birthday! I woke up to the best birthday present - my first acknowledgement of a somewhat ok metabolism:

I also made a coconut oil pie and a watermelon cake to celebrate (oh, and an organic roast chicken) and I'll post a recipe for that later. Some day. One day.

- I bought my first pair of lululemon yoga pants. I feel like my life is complete. I never had a pair of proper yoga pants for the whole year or so that I actually trekked it out to the yoga place to die for an hour on Saturdays.

- I've fully cooked sweet potato vermicelli, and it's alright. It's just like thick rice vermicelli. Awesome.

- My ferments have actually worked! I lost hope in my many, many strawberry kvasses so I gave up, read about fermenting for a bit, and then stuck some cabbage and a cucumber or two in jars. And a bunch of asparagus in the St Dalfour's jam jars I've been wanting to ferment asparagus in ever since I saw them. And guess what?

THEY WORKED!! :D DELICIOUS BACTERIA FOR EVERYONE!!

Ahem. Moving on.

- I'm doing the HSC. So, in layman's terms, I have the right to stress every second of the day for the next 365 days, as of about last week (the end of the exams). And thus, I have woken at 4am the past few mornings, despite my copious banana eating. Humph.

- I had proper 'junk' food yesterday. I went to my friend's party (just a few movies with just a few friends) and they ordered pizza for dinner and honestly, it looked gross anyway so I looked like an anorexic while I said that I'd had dinner before I came (true story though). But the birthday cake came out and it was a passionfruit cheesecake and I was like 'you know what? I've already had butter twice today and I don't want to look like a restrictive twat who refused to eat normal food and Matt Stone says that junk food is good for you so...' And I grabbed the cheesecake slice that had been one of the first ones cut (my friend was starting to get them all messy). And so I took my cute little forkie and dug into the sweet cream cheese. And boy did it taste sweet. Other people said it was remarkably sweet as well, so it wasn't just me. And I started to realise what 'full' meant. It opened my eyes to feeling my stomach instead of feeling how much is left on the plate. And so I didn't want to finish the cheesy bit; I didn't want any more. And so my friend who eats everything, ate the rest :)

- I've fallen in love with awful offal. I hazarded taking the kidneys out of the freezer, and I soaked them for 24 hours before frying the teeny chopped pieces in a large amount of butter. Delish!

Which brought me the inspiration for this recipe :)

Kidney Omelette with Sweet Potato and Broccoli

2 lamb's kidneys, preferably from lambs who had previously frolicked in meadows

2 eggs, preferably from chickens who had dug up their own wormies for tea

about ten of those smaller florettes of broccoli that are at the top of the head of broccoli

a tennis ball size chunk of sweet potato (I never know how much sweet potato to eat)

as much butter as your inner dairy gods will accept as sacrifice

Half a grove of olive oil, to serve (or just a drizzle, to taste)

Freeze the kidneys, then take them out of the freezer for half an hour, slice lengthways, cut out the white bits and chop up the meaty bits into teeny chunks. Pop into a mug with water and a splash of apple cider vinegar or other vinegar, cover with cling wrap, and put it in the fridge overnight. Strain, then soak in plain water for another 4-6 hours (or until dinner time, if that's when you're having them). Strain and put them in paper towel to dry.

Bring a pot of water to a boil, chop up the veggies quite small, and add them to the pot. Cook them up until al dente/not overcooked.

Put half of your butter/fat in a fry pan, cook on medium so the fat sizzles and once the milk solids stop bubbling so much, add the kidneys, don't touch then for thirty seconds, then do the really cool chef flick-of-the-wrist move to toss the kidneys, leave them for ten seconds, repeat another two or three times, and then take them out of the pan quick smart.

Beat the eggs in a small bowl. Add them to the fry pan that was just cooking kidneys, in the rest of the butter if needed. Cook it low and slow - if it's quite thick, your pan is too small. It needs to be quite thin. Keep it frying on low until all the egg is cooked.

Strain the veggies and dry them. Mix the kidneys in with them, and pour the mixture onto one side of the omelette. Fold the rest of the omelette on top like a blanket.

Somehow transfer the omelette to a plate and drown in olive oil (or drizzle, or neither if olives aren't your thing).

Sweet Potato Souffle

It was one of those mornings where you don't want to get up for an hour.

So I didn't.

This brekkie (or meal for any time, really) is perfect for one of these types of mornings, ie, when you have time for it to cook but you're not bothered to physically do much. It's really simple and you could do it with your eyes closed - which is the state you're in to start with!

I based this recipe on a brekkie I tried one day. It was meant to be 'warm sardine and sweet potato dip' but the temp was put up too high for it to just 'warm up' so it turned into a souffle! Sardines have never tasted better! But the cucumber I was meant to use as the dip-holder tasted really boring in comparison. Anyway...

Grab your prebaked sweet potato and mash it up in an ovenproof ramekin or bowl.

Whisk an egg and mix it in. If you're feelin' fancy, dust in some cinnamon too.

In the same fancy manner, smooth out the top and pop it into a preheated oven and go back to bed for half an hour after all your hard work.

I tried to make some roasted macadamias to go with it...

and ignoring the fact that it's unstable and expensive I roasted them in macadamia oil. Like goes with like, right?

But... um... I spent too long doing nothing while waiting for my souffle to cook.

I put a little maple syrup on top of the souffle when it had about 7 - 10 mins left, but it didn't make all that much difference.

Take the souffle out of the oven and go back to bed for another ten minutes. It's hot. Believe me. And it's going to stay hot for a while.

Top with whatever you fancy. I spooned on a bit of kefir and tried some of my little bombs of burnt nuttiness.

NB. I only called it a souffle because it rose. Don't assume it's puffy and airy and doesn't weigh a thing. Take a scoop and see how almost puddingy it is!

Sweet Potato Souffle

Serves 1

1 1/3 cups baked sweet potato

1 egg

cinnamon (optional)

maple syrup (optional)

something creamy like yoghurt, kefir, double cream or coconut butter (or ice cream?!), for serving

Preheat the oven to 180 degrees.

Mash the sweet potato in an ovenproof bowl.

In a separate bowl, whisk the egg, then add to the sweet potato.

Mix until combined, and add cinnamon and/or maple syrup if using.

Place the bowl in the oven and bake for 20 - 30 mins, or until a skewer comes out clean.

Serve with creamy topping.

This might be better with coconut flour to make it less dense, and maybe some baking powder to fluff it up. And maybe some baking paper too...

Nut-Free Schnitzel

As a child, one of my most favourite meals was chicken schnitzel. I had it just about every night. I had it so often that mum and dad gave up with the whole flour and egg thing, and skipped just to the breadcrumbing. So then my grandmother's lovingly made, non skimped chicken schnitzel was a million times better.

The other day, I had an epiphany for a paleo remake of schnitzel, and I wanted to see if I could remake it. I made up a big batch of chicken tenderloins and an eggplant round (to test it out) and lovingly made my non-skimped, paleo schnitzel.

Afterwards, I laid my big chickeny breast schnitzel and the lone breaded eggplant on a bed of shredded and boiled TO PERFECTION Brussels sprouts (they looked so good that even my brother asked if he could 'try the lettuce') and ladled on some of my LINK slow and perfect meat tomato sauce. And it was DIVINE. It looked like heaven too. It seems to be the best meals I don't take photos of.

So I tried to recreate it with the eggplant. I got an eggplant, sliced it up, salted it, let it sit out for a day and a half (the longer, the better!) and got around to making a big batch of eggplant schnitzel.

I laid out my bowls of arrowroot, egg and coconut and the dunking commenced.

The still-wet eggplant rounds were dusted in probably too much arrowroot...

Then covered in egg (sometimes it didn't want to stick)...

And they were given a coating of finely desiccated coconut to schnitzel them up.

There's my first one.

Once I'd made all of them, I glugged out some olive oil (honestly, I suggest using a much more stable oil like tallow or coconut oil, because they ended up tasting very PUFA-y) into two frying pans and plonked them in once the oil was hot.

Back to replicating my perfect tomatoy dish that I made last time, I got a ladle and ladled out some of my pumpkin soup and put it in a pot, and then got a ladle of the worst osso buco of my life (osso buco + water = my hopelessly failed attempt at broth, I had no bones available) and popped that in the same pot. Of course, it wouldn't be the same solanine taste (duh, there's no tomatoes in basic pumpkin soup) but I wanted the same sort of rich, thick, vegetable-creamy (you know what I mean?) ladle sauce to spoon over my schnitzel like a parma. I heated it up, tasted it - still tasted boring, but oh well - and poured it lavishly over the breaded eggplant.

The photos accurately depict the meal's tastiness.

Before Sauce:

After Sauce:

As you can see, the eggplant schnitzel was the ultimate STAR OF THE SHOW and the pumpkin-osso buco-bleugh sauce just ruined it.

You know what also ruined it?

The fact that mum ate the rest of them.

Chicken (or Eggplant) Schnitzel

Serves 4

4 chicken breasts (or 2 large eggplants)

2 cups tapioca starch, tapioca flour or arrowroot

3 eggs (you can go with 2 but it's better to have more)

3 - 4 cups finely desiccated coconut

Stable fat, for frying

If using chicken breasts, cut each breast into three or four equally sized sections (about the size of a tenderloin). If using eggplant, cut into rounds, lay on absorbent something and sprinkle with salt. Let the butter juices leach out for at least 30 mins. Pat down with some more, dry absorbent stuff.

Place the tapioca/arrowroot in a bowl, crack the eggs into a separate bowl, and pour the coconut into a third bowl. Whisk the eggs until combined.

Dip the chicken (or eggplant) pieces, one at a time, into the tapioca/arrowroot, covering the piece. Then dip into the egg, covering the piece, and then into the coconut, then place on a separate plate or dish. Continue with the remaining pieces of chicken/eggplant.

Heat up the fat in a deep frypan. Fry each piece in the fat until cooked on one side, then turn and cook on the other side. Take it out once it is golden brown. Repeat with the remaining pieces until all are cooked.

Serve with vegetables, homemade mayo, melted cheese or some delicious sauce (don't ruin it with a bland sauce!)

NB: Once it's cold, the chicken schnitzel goes a little gummy between the chicken and the arrowroot, so I'm yet to work out a substitution - probably coconut flour. In the mean time, just eat it while it's hot! Not that it's incredibly inedible being a little gummy, it just doesn't stick to the chicken as well.

Mistakes I've Made - What NOT to Do with Eggs

I've seen a few mentions of calcium powder, made of boiled, dried and crushed eggshells. I gave it a shot with a dozen eggs that were pretty good quality, stored them in a zip lock bag in the fridge, removed the membranes, boiled, dried in the oven, and crushed the shells, and they weren't crushed enough so I put it in my blender but that didn't work. So I put it through a (really fine) strainer and tried some in my random chocolate stuff in a cup (cacao powder, cinnamon, cayenne, carob syrup and honey - somehow this was runny).

Not the tastiest thing.

(PS that's in the bin)

Actually, it wasn't the taste, but the texture. I like to chew things. What I don't like chewing is, is grit. Someone said it tastes like sand, and I'm all aboard for that comparison. Couldn't think of anything more appropriate.

Easy Poached Eggs

After five days of charred, (natural) barbecued food, I wanted gently cooked eggs for breakfast. But boiled eggs just weren't working for me. So I poached eggs it was. On a weekday morning.

I can't say I cannot poach, because I've only really tried it once or twice. And it didn't work, so I've given up prospecting on that. Hoping for the albumen to remain in a singular state doesn't mean it will.

So I tried something new out. Using a larger surface area in water, not as much water, tension and area taken up by neighbouring eggs, and the idea of frying, I came up with this.

How to Poach Eggs when you have the Cooking Skills of an Amoeba

1. Fill a high-lipped saucepan with water a third of the way up. Bring the water to a ferocious simmer (mine didn't want to boil).
2. Crack an egg, and very slowly and carefully slide the egg into the water. You can do this by either opening the egg so that the shell is so close to the water that it might be wet, or crack the egg into a small cup and slide it in that way. Whatever you do, keep it close to the water and don't move it around once it's in there.
3. Once the first egg is in, fill the saucepan with enough eggs to cover the surface area of the top of the pan, by following the method in step 2. This will keep all the eggs together.
4. Cook on the same temperature you had it on before until the whites are cooked. I did mine too long, so my yolks were cooked too.
5. Use a flat-headed strainer-on-a-stick to pull out the eggs, and place on paper towel to drain. It would be better to do each individual egg for this, but they may have stuck together, making this an extremely difficult task to keep the yolks in tact.

This may be an easier way to poach eggs, but if you like your yolks runny and in one piece, all I have to say is: good luck!

The Better Frypan

If only I had a cast iron skillet.

Then this would look more spectacular.

Korea's Hidden Superfood Meal

I must admit, this isn't a traditional bibimbap in the very least. I just got excited because I found some good kimchi yesterday. Since 'bibimbap' means 'mixed rice', this is definitely not that, but I've got some Korean ingredients (or just Asian) and raw yolks. It's the same concept, right? I wouldn't be surprised if Koreans had the best digestive systems in all the land. This stuff is so acidic! (Well, my random version was).

From the top going clockwise I had some funny brined mushroom things, a whole cubes avocado with apple cider vinegar to stop it from oxidising (and there was a LOT of avo by the time I'd mixed it all in), kimchi hiding under everything else, far too much wakame for my liking (but it hid well in the kimchi vinegary sauce), scrambled egg whites (I had to make something look like rice), fish sauce in the dish at the top, md of course raw egg yolks. I so want to try a normal version with some sliced beef or raw fish and rice to sop up all the vinegar. I'll have to get my Korean friend to take me out one day :)

Mayleo

...sometimes combining words doesn't look as good as it sounds. I was trying to come up with a cool title for this post and I ended up combining 'mayo' and 'paleo' in my head and came up with 'mayleo'...which doesn't look as good... Some things just don't mix well, like extra virgin olive oil and egg yolks.

My mayo actually worked, so that's not where I'm going. But one tip I'd love to throw out there: DON'T USE EXTRA VIRGIN OLIVE OIL. I used about 3/4 evoo, some macadamia oil and some sweet almond oil, because I read a thousand recipes saying 'don't use evoo' and I was like 'I can handle a bit of evoo'. But no. Even slightly diluted, just no.

And I didn't even use that much oil. But when I make it again, I'll make sure I have a bit more patience (and a lighter tasting oil) so that I can see what it's like when you use all of the oil. I only used a third of the amount.

Eggs Again

After four weeks of going egg-free, it is safe to say that not eating them didn't reduce my eczema. That can only mean one more thing... MORE EGGS FOR JORDIE! I should probably eat three eggs for brekkie every morning anyway, but now it's gonna be official. And breakfast is going to be a lot more diverse too. I won't be as weirded out by having leftovers or steak or a whopping heap of bacon for breakfast. Oh, and sardines, look out!

Egglessness

I'm sick of my eczema. It's one of the main problems I have that's gotten worse with my adoption of a paleo diet. I've had it for a couple of years now (apart from childhood), and it popped back up when I started getting super stressed about school. So my eczema is mainly due to all the stress I go through but I sometimes like to blame foods for it.

I looked up dietary options for 'fixing' eczema that go with paleo-ness, and I've found a few options, but I decided to go with an egg allergy first. Eggs are my hero. They're my staple breakfast, and they're probably the only things I make sure I get good quality of. I go nuts for them. But last October, when I started eating more eggs (and more carrots), I noticed that my skin was getting more orange, so I thought it was the eggs (but I cut out carrots for a bit and I'm much better now).

I don't know why the hell I decided to cut out eggs on EASTER. I was just sick of my eczema so much (it had gotten worse with my four or so assessments in the same week) that I decided that a month to cut out something. So I cut out eggs, because it was a single food, even though it's one of the only foods I couldn't imagine giving up.

It's been 2 weeks - actually, nearly 3 - since I stopped eating them, and unless it's a die off reaction, my body needs eggs. But let's just see how I go.

Next Thursday I'm driving out to the country to get some free range eggs to celebrate :) I don't think I'll be able to go egg free for much longer.

It's been two weeks already?

Did anyone miss me? Christmas-and-New-Years time somehow just flew past my head and I haven't had a chance to stop and write about the fabulous meals I've made, meals I've enjoyed, and most importantly, meals I've spent with family. Or about how drastically my daily life has changed in the last 13 days. So I'll just do a round up of all the stuff that's been going on.

I think it was on the 17th where I decided that enough was enough and my body just needed a break from the unnecessary stress I was putting on it. More, but still not enough food to cater for every bit of my body was just wearing it down, so I decided that from then til the Sunday (the 23rd), I'd not stress about what I ate (of course, I'd still be super paleo and stuff, but if I wanted a bite of bacon when I'd already had breakfast, I'd have it, for instance) and I'd do an entire week of yoga instead of super-crazy-hardcore pilates which was getting to my back and neck. The idea of it was to completely chill my body out and see if stress was the reason why my body was in the weird formation it was in. By the end of my very calm week, I'd definitely seen some change in how I thought and how my body looked and felt, but the only bad thing I got from it was that I didn't want to push myself through another pilates workout again! Stretching and moving slowly is so much more fun than double leg lifts. I've definitely dropped down on how often I do pilates now. Since that week, I've had a ton more energy and I'm so much more relaxed, it's crazy. Having that big week of calm really did change my outlook on bodily stress and I think I'll carry my little experience with me for quite some time.

Orange Almond Cupcakes

I don't even know how many days it's been since I've posted. I'm not going to count, because I'm trying to not stress (hint: that hasn't happened.) and I've been really demotivated to post anything because I've had nothing to post. So I think next week I'll be posting a whole ton because I've planned about four recipes to make, plus I want to post about something that's not cooking related. Just thought about it now, make that two things. Three things. I'll get up to date with posting then! And by the time Christmas rolls past and we get to New Year's, I'm going to be chockers with days out and courses to go to and I'll try my hardest to keep blogging at the (unstable) rate I've been going. And then it's into year 11! So that'll probably mean you'll be lucky to hear a peep out of me. For the next two exciting years.

I made these cakes at a time where I just wanted to bake, regardless of my oven's temperament. So I made these for my friends because it seemed easy and kinda healthier than they looked like it tasted. And because I like cooking for people I love :)

Mistakes I've Made - Baked Eggs

This morning I had a bit of time so I decided to make myself baked eggs for breakfast. Bad idea. Well, not really. I definitely learnt from it. It was kinda funny how I stuffed up because, in a way, I planned for it to happen this way.

My baked eggs went as followed:

I fried up my sliced mushrooms and greens (some grown up bok choi and a bit of spinach) the night before...

but I only half cooked the greens because I knew that they would get even more cooked in the oven in the morning, so the white bits of the bok choi was still quite crunchy. And I popped it all into a medium sized ramekin.