Excitement

So I tried to make mayonnaise and for the third time it failed me.

NEVER TELL ME I HAVE MIXED FIVE EGG YOLKS INTO OIL ONLY TO MAKE IT DISGUSTING AND OIL-SOUPY.

So I left it and came back to it after dinner. I tried it with another yolk but you're meant to add the oil to the yolk not the yolk to the oil. HALF A DOZEN EGGS GONE. 

There goes breakfast.

But I didn't want to waste my emulsion that was failing to thrive. So I gave him one last shot at becoming a well made, respectable member of our household.

This time I added the oil to the yolk like I was meant to, and prayed to the food gods that my baby would come to life. And he worked! However, just to keep him on the safe side, I kept him little. So I only ended up making half a little jar of concentrated fat. Yum yum :)

However, in the midst of all that initial tantruming, I made dinner (hence I tried it again after I ate). And what was for dinner?

Yams. Oh sweet yams, I would say that I love you more than sweet potatoes but most people don't understand you and thus I must categorise you two together into one amazing unit.

But I have not explored my yams enough to have found this before, and was I excited.

I partied around the room and yelled at my unenthusiastic brother to LOOK at my awesome psychedic yam.

Like, just look at it!

And so I roasted it with some little bity zucchinis and made some yummy chippies for dinner.

On a completely different note, this morning the Fairies that Cater for Women, Monthly (who have generally been very lazy when it comes to me) visited, and I won't go into detail, but I was ultra excited to use this pure piece of silicon.

However, it may have been the excitement that had gotten a hold of me. I'll try again tomorrow, after I work out how to get... a bandaid...

Kidney Omelette with Sweet Potato and Broccoli

I haven't updated this thing in two months. Honestly, it feels much longer. I feel like I've done a lot of paleo foodie stuff to say, but I probably won't even remember a quarter of it. Let's see... I've pissed myself off for not going to the raw milk farm when we went to New Zealand, one of the main reasons I went, I've done heaps more research about why we shouldn't diet (read: MATT STONE ROCKS MY SOCKS), I've bought two of the latest health bundles, I've given up listening to every.single.annoying. webcast webinnaire videos where people talk really slowly because it clogs my inbox, and I'm down to one drawer of bananas left in the freezer. Unfortunately, it's still pretty full, so I'm wishing for a cow for Christmas.

Some more, actually somewhat exciting things that have happened:

- My birthday! I woke up to the best birthday present - my first acknowledgement of a somewhat ok metabolism:

I also made a coconut oil pie and a watermelon cake to celebrate (oh, and an organic roast chicken) and I'll post a recipe for that later. Some day. One day.

- I bought my first pair of lululemon yoga pants. I feel like my life is complete. I never had a pair of proper yoga pants for the whole year or so that I actually trekked it out to the yoga place to die for an hour on Saturdays.

- I've fully cooked sweet potato vermicelli, and it's alright. It's just like thick rice vermicelli. Awesome.

- My ferments have actually worked! I lost hope in my many, many strawberry kvasses so I gave up, read about fermenting for a bit, and then stuck some cabbage and a cucumber or two in jars. And a bunch of asparagus in the St Dalfour's jam jars I've been wanting to ferment asparagus in ever since I saw them. And guess what?

THEY WORKED!! :D DELICIOUS BACTERIA FOR EVERYONE!!

Ahem. Moving on.

- I'm doing the HSC. So, in layman's terms, I have the right to stress every second of the day for the next 365 days, as of about last week (the end of the exams). And thus, I have woken at 4am the past few mornings, despite my copious banana eating. Humph.

- I had proper 'junk' food yesterday. I went to my friend's party (just a few movies with just a few friends) and they ordered pizza for dinner and honestly, it looked gross anyway so I looked like an anorexic while I said that I'd had dinner before I came (true story though). But the birthday cake came out and it was a passionfruit cheesecake and I was like 'you know what? I've already had butter twice today and I don't want to look like a restrictive twat who refused to eat normal food and Matt Stone says that junk food is good for you so...' And I grabbed the cheesecake slice that had been one of the first ones cut (my friend was starting to get them all messy). And so I took my cute little forkie and dug into the sweet cream cheese. And boy did it taste sweet. Other people said it was remarkably sweet as well, so it wasn't just me. And I started to realise what 'full' meant. It opened my eyes to feeling my stomach instead of feeling how much is left on the plate. And so I didn't want to finish the cheesy bit; I didn't want any more. And so my friend who eats everything, ate the rest :)

- I've fallen in love with awful offal. I hazarded taking the kidneys out of the freezer, and I soaked them for 24 hours before frying the teeny chopped pieces in a large amount of butter. Delish!

Which brought me the inspiration for this recipe :)

Kidney Omelette with Sweet Potato and Broccoli

2 lamb's kidneys, preferably from lambs who had previously frolicked in meadows

2 eggs, preferably from chickens who had dug up their own wormies for tea

about ten of those smaller florettes of broccoli that are at the top of the head of broccoli

a tennis ball size chunk of sweet potato (I never know how much sweet potato to eat)

as much butter as your inner dairy gods will accept as sacrifice

Half a grove of olive oil, to serve (or just a drizzle, to taste)

Freeze the kidneys, then take them out of the freezer for half an hour, slice lengthways, cut out the white bits and chop up the meaty bits into teeny chunks. Pop into a mug with water and a splash of apple cider vinegar or other vinegar, cover with cling wrap, and put it in the fridge overnight. Strain, then soak in plain water for another 4-6 hours (or until dinner time, if that's when you're having them). Strain and put them in paper towel to dry.

Bring a pot of water to a boil, chop up the veggies quite small, and add them to the pot. Cook them up until al dente/not overcooked.

Put half of your butter/fat in a fry pan, cook on medium so the fat sizzles and once the milk solids stop bubbling so much, add the kidneys, don't touch then for thirty seconds, then do the really cool chef flick-of-the-wrist move to toss the kidneys, leave them for ten seconds, repeat another two or three times, and then take them out of the pan quick smart.

Beat the eggs in a small bowl. Add them to the fry pan that was just cooking kidneys, in the rest of the butter if needed. Cook it low and slow - if it's quite thick, your pan is too small. It needs to be quite thin. Keep it frying on low until all the egg is cooked.

Strain the veggies and dry them. Mix the kidneys in with them, and pour the mixture onto one side of the omelette. Fold the rest of the omelette on top like a blanket.

Somehow transfer the omelette to a plate and drown in olive oil (or drizzle, or neither if olives aren't your thing).

Sweet Potato Souffle

It was one of those mornings where you don't want to get up for an hour.

So I didn't.

This brekkie (or meal for any time, really) is perfect for one of these types of mornings, ie, when you have time for it to cook but you're not bothered to physically do much. It's really simple and you could do it with your eyes closed - which is the state you're in to start with!

I based this recipe on a brekkie I tried one day. It was meant to be 'warm sardine and sweet potato dip' but the temp was put up too high for it to just 'warm up' so it turned into a souffle! Sardines have never tasted better! But the cucumber I was meant to use as the dip-holder tasted really boring in comparison. Anyway...

Grab your prebaked sweet potato and mash it up in an ovenproof ramekin or bowl.

Whisk an egg and mix it in. If you're feelin' fancy, dust in some cinnamon too.

In the same fancy manner, smooth out the top and pop it into a preheated oven and go back to bed for half an hour after all your hard work.

I tried to make some roasted macadamias to go with it...

and ignoring the fact that it's unstable and expensive I roasted them in macadamia oil. Like goes with like, right?

But... um... I spent too long doing nothing while waiting for my souffle to cook.

I put a little maple syrup on top of the souffle when it had about 7 - 10 mins left, but it didn't make all that much difference.

Take the souffle out of the oven and go back to bed for another ten minutes. It's hot. Believe me. And it's going to stay hot for a while.

Top with whatever you fancy. I spooned on a bit of kefir and tried some of my little bombs of burnt nuttiness.

NB. I only called it a souffle because it rose. Don't assume it's puffy and airy and doesn't weigh a thing. Take a scoop and see how almost puddingy it is!

Sweet Potato Souffle

Serves 1

1 1/3 cups baked sweet potato

1 egg

cinnamon (optional)

maple syrup (optional)

something creamy like yoghurt, kefir, double cream or coconut butter (or ice cream?!), for serving

Preheat the oven to 180 degrees.

Mash the sweet potato in an ovenproof bowl.

In a separate bowl, whisk the egg, then add to the sweet potato.

Mix until combined, and add cinnamon and/or maple syrup if using.

Place the bowl in the oven and bake for 20 - 30 mins, or until a skewer comes out clean.

Serve with creamy topping.

This might be better with coconut flour to make it less dense, and maybe some baking powder to fluff it up. And maybe some baking paper too...

Life - tea, potatoes and nut butter

So much for my big blogging spree I thought I was going to have last week. I'd planned yummy cheesecakes and roasted spatchcocks and... they just never happened. No one (read: neither mum nor I) has been that hungry so nothing has really been cooked. Ok, so I lied about the cheesecakes. I made a second batch of cupcake cheesecakes with crushed up, pink-icing-and-100s-and-1000s-covered-sugar-soaked cookies for the base so I thought it might not be a good idea to post that recipe up. But I had a few other things to mention about stuff I found yesterday.

I really don't know how I found it - I must've been looking up herbal teas - and I found this website called Steepster. Basically, it's a social networking site for people who love to drink tea, and you rate the tea you drink and talk to other tea drinkers across the globe. Sounds ridiculous? Honestly, I think it is a bit. But I love the simple idea of it. I think the fact that I am signed up to it will make me want to drink more tea (herbal tea, that is) and hopefully get a better understanding of it. And find some tea-drinking friends too! Another good site kinda like that that I found is Punchfork, which is a Foodgawker-style site but you can put a preference in for paleo stuff. That's right, there's a foodie blog place you can choose to get you completely paleo meals! Aaand they have an app, so I'll certainly be using that a lot.